I was in a store a few days ago and heard the familiar whine of a child who wanted something his mom didn't want to buy. She patiently recounted his previous blessings - a day at Disneyland, a new scooter, a sleepover with friends, and a birthday party for 20 little boys! At the end of her little speech, the boy looked at her with a pouting face and said, "Yeah but that wasn't today!"
Not long after that, I was in a coffee shop and a disgruntled wife was complaining about the trip her husband had surprised her with for her 40th birthday. "He spent so much on the hotel that he didn't give me money to shop with, and you know I never like to go to Paris without shopping money!"
The third incident happened just today. I was waiting to put gas in my car and a woman was literally yelling into her phone, berating the caller for buying her a "used" Lexus when she obviously had demanded a new one. She was totally livid that someone else had put 10,000 miles on it before she got it! And to add insult to her injury, it wasn't even the gold one...but a common "tan" that anyone could have..."
The words "You poor thing" wanted to come out of my mouth in the worst way but I was able to keep my lips clamped shut until I was well out of earshot. Since when have we become such a society of whiners? Are we really so entitled to the best that life has to offer that we have convinced ourselves that anything less is unacceptable? Have we accumulated so much that the joy has gone out of our receiving? With the attitudes displayed in these three examples, I can't imagine that the giver is experiencing much joy either!
Gratitude has become a neglected practice. Prosperity has made us indifferent to our blessings and has fostered a raging inferno of always wanting more. Nothing seems to be enough to satisfy the hunger for possessions, status symbols, or "the best". And the sad thing is that when we actually obtain that thing that we have desired, the box is checked off and another desire takes its place. Worldly things will never complete us or bring us the contentment that we are searching so desperately for.
God has given us so many blessings! When was the last time you actually took the time to look at your life and thank Him. So your house needs painting - you have a house and don't have to live on the streets or in your car like so many families these days. Your clothes are crammed in your closet- you're so lucky to have enough, even if some are a few years old. Your car is a gas guzzler - try walking everywhere for a week. Your boss is cranky or demanding - you have a job when so many would love to take your place. I could go on and on. There are so many things that we complain about that can actually be turned around if we would just try looking at them with the eyes of someone who has to do without. Thousands even in our great country are homeless, abused, hungry every day, wearing threadbare clothes, searching for any kind of work to feed their families...
Then there is the opposite side of the gratitude coin...the one who gave the gift. When we are unappreciative or take our blessings for granted, the giver is given the message that the gift was not "acceptable". The more effort & care that was taken to make, choose, or provide the gift, the deeper the hurt when it is not received well. The thrill of giving is the joy in watching the enthusiastic reaction when the gift is received. Monetary value is not the true measure of a thoughtful gift - just ask the wife whose gifts are chosen by her husband's secretary! Some of the most precious gifts I have received have cost little or nothing, but have required lots of thoughtful effort: a poem from a precious friend, or a hand written letter, or something made especially for me; and how about the joy you felt receiving that often-clumsy but darling gift your child brought home from kindergarten! It IS the thought that counts!! And it IS the thought that should be acknowledged!!
If you're reading this and still feel like God has shortchanged you in not giving you anything to be grateful for, take a step back & breathe...look outside at His beautiful world. Use your 5 senses (which you can also thank Him for) and appreciate His goodness to you in those things you see, eat, smell, touch, hear. The myriad of different colors, the sweet sound of music, the taste of your favorite foods, the smells you associate with happy memories, the people that you love and that love you (even though you & they both have faults!)...Wow.
To each of those people in the examples I started with, I would have liked to say, "If you are so unhappy with what you have been given, how about if I take it all back and give it to someone who WILL appreciate it! I'm sure it will be easy to find someone who would just LOVE to receive what you have been given!"
And then we can all Thank God that He doesn't say that to us!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
One Way But Many Ways!
At church Saturday night the pastor made a statement that I'd never really thought about before. He said, "There are many ways to get to Jesus but only one way to get to the Father!"
A simple statement, but so true. As Christians, we believe that faith in what Jesus did on the cross is the Only Way to be saved. While other religious organizations and cults would call us rigid and dogmatic, the Bible is very clear. Jesus says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by Me." If there are other ways, Jesus died for no reason. We can't earn salvation no matter how good we are or how many great and wonderful things we do in His Name. We can't add to it, or change it. No one can buy it for us or receive it on our behalf. It is a personal decision that I have to make as I'm faced with the reality of my sin and my inability to do anything about it. It involves accepting Christ's diety, believing that He took on human form, willingly gave up His life as my sacrifice, & was raised again after His death. It means that I receive the payment He made as my own, acknowledging His right to be Lord of my life. Its end result is transforming power on earth that changes me and allows me to become all that God meant for me; it means living to please God and obey Him even when life is hard; it means realizing that I have a heavenly home waiting for me when this life is over; it means I have access to God in dealing with every need that I have; it means so much more than this entry allows me to write. It means New Life...
While all that is true, and I believe it with all my heart, I love the first part of the quote. There are many ways we come to Jesus. Some of us came as a direct result of early Christian training. Some have come through friends or family members who cared enough to share Jesus' love with them. Some came because God heard their desperate cry in impossible circumstances, saved them in a miraculous way, & they were forever changed. Some heard & received the Word through revivals, radio, television,...
The Bible is full of examples of how different people were saved. Paul was called in a supernatural way. The woman caught in adultery was dragged to Jesus. The paralyzed man was carried by friends. There were many who came because they were searching, or desperate, or curious, or hungry, or sick. They came for different reasons but the touch they got from Him caused a spiritual awakening in their hearts that could not be denied. The situations are as varied as the people who came to the Lord, but the point is that they came. And almost everyone came because someone took the time and courage to tell them. That part hasn't changed. While it's not our job to be the Holy Spirit, we do need to reach out and touch others, encouraging them through words, actions, or persistent gentle nudging, always backed by prayer! God doesn't command us to try to force others to believe, to intimidate them, or to be obnoxious. That usually backfires by hardening their hearts anyway. He does command us to simply Share the Good News so that the door is open for the Holy Spirit to work. It may be an invitation to coffee, or a Bible study or church; it may be through a card or letter; it may be as a part of casual conversation. And relax...their response to the Gospel isn't your responsibility either! Your job is simply to share. That's it!! Don't let insecurities, questions, rebuffs, or rejection shut you down! And you don't have to wait until your life is perfect because..."news flash" It will never be perfect!! We're all sinners who live in a fallen world, walking the walk together & hopefully progressively maturing in our faith as we go!!
The bottom line is that the people around us need Jesus and it's up to us to help them find Him, in as many ways as we can. After all, aren't you glad you found Him? Don't you wish everyone could?
A simple statement, but so true. As Christians, we believe that faith in what Jesus did on the cross is the Only Way to be saved. While other religious organizations and cults would call us rigid and dogmatic, the Bible is very clear. Jesus says "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by Me." If there are other ways, Jesus died for no reason. We can't earn salvation no matter how good we are or how many great and wonderful things we do in His Name. We can't add to it, or change it. No one can buy it for us or receive it on our behalf. It is a personal decision that I have to make as I'm faced with the reality of my sin and my inability to do anything about it. It involves accepting Christ's diety, believing that He took on human form, willingly gave up His life as my sacrifice, & was raised again after His death. It means that I receive the payment He made as my own, acknowledging His right to be Lord of my life. Its end result is transforming power on earth that changes me and allows me to become all that God meant for me; it means living to please God and obey Him even when life is hard; it means realizing that I have a heavenly home waiting for me when this life is over; it means I have access to God in dealing with every need that I have; it means so much more than this entry allows me to write. It means New Life...
While all that is true, and I believe it with all my heart, I love the first part of the quote. There are many ways we come to Jesus. Some of us came as a direct result of early Christian training. Some have come through friends or family members who cared enough to share Jesus' love with them. Some came because God heard their desperate cry in impossible circumstances, saved them in a miraculous way, & they were forever changed. Some heard & received the Word through revivals, radio, television,...
The Bible is full of examples of how different people were saved. Paul was called in a supernatural way. The woman caught in adultery was dragged to Jesus. The paralyzed man was carried by friends. There were many who came because they were searching, or desperate, or curious, or hungry, or sick. They came for different reasons but the touch they got from Him caused a spiritual awakening in their hearts that could not be denied. The situations are as varied as the people who came to the Lord, but the point is that they came. And almost everyone came because someone took the time and courage to tell them. That part hasn't changed. While it's not our job to be the Holy Spirit, we do need to reach out and touch others, encouraging them through words, actions, or persistent gentle nudging, always backed by prayer! God doesn't command us to try to force others to believe, to intimidate them, or to be obnoxious. That usually backfires by hardening their hearts anyway. He does command us to simply Share the Good News so that the door is open for the Holy Spirit to work. It may be an invitation to coffee, or a Bible study or church; it may be through a card or letter; it may be as a part of casual conversation. And relax...their response to the Gospel isn't your responsibility either! Your job is simply to share. That's it!! Don't let insecurities, questions, rebuffs, or rejection shut you down! And you don't have to wait until your life is perfect because..."news flash" It will never be perfect!! We're all sinners who live in a fallen world, walking the walk together & hopefully progressively maturing in our faith as we go!!
The bottom line is that the people around us need Jesus and it's up to us to help them find Him, in as many ways as we can. After all, aren't you glad you found Him? Don't you wish everyone could?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
The Blessings of Grandparenting!
I have been enjoying the company of children and grandchildren this week. It is so much fun to stay in their homes and just be part of the family - doing every day things with them like coloring or reading with the kids, watching t.v., and eating together. While the first hour is always a little stilted because they're shy around me, the novelty soon wears off and I'm fully assimilated into their world! I love it! "All the fun without the responsibility" my mom would have said!
Being with them is living on the edge! You never know what will happen next! You can't turn your back for a minute, at least with the little ones, without risking an "unforeseen occurence" of some kind - coloring on the wall, water poured on the floor, food being fed to the dog, a foreign object being flushed, or a bathtub being used in an unusual way; and these are not naughty kids - just kids who are being kids. "I wonder what will happen if..." Curiosity trumps caution & they just act, with lightning speed, causing the unsuspecting parents to have to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess, repair the damage.... and then wiping away the "I'm sorry" tears!
Then there is the interaction with each other. They will tease and roughhouse, until one of them gets "injured" and then there is the bloodcurtling cry of "He hurt me" or "She pushed me"...the casting of blame followed by cries of innocence or a flood of explanations! Even when warnings have been given in order to prevent this very outcome, the eventual consequence is always the same - the tears and hurt feelings, followed by the soothing of physical or emotional injuries! From early morning until the dark of night, there is a whirlwind of activity! Unless somehow they fall asleep during an afternoon video, the noise, questions, demands, and commotion never cease. I watch with a smile as my children struggle to keep up with the energy level of their children. It doesn't seem all that long ago that I was in their shoes - the silent prayers for a few minutes of peace and quiet, the hope for days free of colds or flu, the struggle to keep up with the mounds of laundry, and the neverending list of things to do to keep the household running relatively smoothly. Add to those everyday tasks things like carpooling, playdates, & other miscellaneous activities and you have a recipe for exhaustion! You have to cultivate Superpowers to get everything done, and once you do it's only a matter of time until you have to start the list over again. It's why they say raising children is not for the faint of heart & it's the wisdom of God that we have them while we're still young enough to chase them!
And yet my children haven't yet tried to sell their kids to gypsies or give them away at the nearest mall! I haven't even heard the old familiar "I brought you into this world and I can take you out" because above all else they Love them. They get frustrated, tired, even Mad sometimes, but that never alters the love they have for them. Their love overrides their desires to lash out in anger or become cruel! They discipline without destroying, and teach lessons out of "accidents". They have incorporated the best parts of my parenting and eliminated the other parts. I even occasionally hear words and phrases that I used to say - now that's the full circle for sure! It is so gratifying to know that these kids that made me so crazy at times have become such wonderful parents! They don't do everything exactly as I did, or would, but they have found the way that works for them and it's amazing to witness!
And the rewards are So worth the hard times. The hugs, kisses, playtimes, and expressions of love make the frantic activity fade into unimportance. To see the grandkids respond with such affection and sweetness to their parents, and to watch their gentle interaction with their siblings is worth everything!
There are so many Biblical applications here! God is ever vigilant in His watchful care of us. We do such "childish" things and yet He never berates us or disowns us. His love never alters! We disappoint Him, misunderstand His directions, disobey His commands & make huge messes of our lives, and yet He just keeps picking us up, cleans up our disasters, & uses our mistakes to teach us valuable lessons. His love for us overrides all His decisions concerning us and, unlike all of us human parents, He never gets weary or frustrated. He knows we are just "children" and allows us our frailties! He disciplines us when necessary, but always for our good, and redirects us when we get off course. He watches our interactions with each other, letting us work out our little scuffles, and then reminds us again to forgive as we were forgiven. His reward, when He gets one, is the response of our love back to Him; the times we obey and listen; the seasons that we get along with one another and choose love over fighting back or holding a grudge; the little victories He gets to see as we grow up! He is the epitome of the perfect parent, of course, because He is the one who initiated parenting from the beginning. Just as each of my grandchildren require different parenting methods, God knows just how to treat each of us in order to best foster our maturity and growth!
Often it is said that if Grandparents would have known how much fun grandchildren would be they would have skipped the kids and had grandkids first, but I disagree. I am so grateful to be able to see how the love, sacrifice, and hard work of parenting has paid off in the willingness and ability of my children to love, sacrifice and work hard for my grandchildren. I wouldn't miss it for anything! It is truly one of the joys of life!!
Being with them is living on the edge! You never know what will happen next! You can't turn your back for a minute, at least with the little ones, without risking an "unforeseen occurence" of some kind - coloring on the wall, water poured on the floor, food being fed to the dog, a foreign object being flushed, or a bathtub being used in an unusual way; and these are not naughty kids - just kids who are being kids. "I wonder what will happen if..." Curiosity trumps caution & they just act, with lightning speed, causing the unsuspecting parents to have to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess, repair the damage.... and then wiping away the "I'm sorry" tears!
Then there is the interaction with each other. They will tease and roughhouse, until one of them gets "injured" and then there is the bloodcurtling cry of "He hurt me" or "She pushed me"...the casting of blame followed by cries of innocence or a flood of explanations! Even when warnings have been given in order to prevent this very outcome, the eventual consequence is always the same - the tears and hurt feelings, followed by the soothing of physical or emotional injuries! From early morning until the dark of night, there is a whirlwind of activity! Unless somehow they fall asleep during an afternoon video, the noise, questions, demands, and commotion never cease. I watch with a smile as my children struggle to keep up with the energy level of their children. It doesn't seem all that long ago that I was in their shoes - the silent prayers for a few minutes of peace and quiet, the hope for days free of colds or flu, the struggle to keep up with the mounds of laundry, and the neverending list of things to do to keep the household running relatively smoothly. Add to those everyday tasks things like carpooling, playdates, & other miscellaneous activities and you have a recipe for exhaustion! You have to cultivate Superpowers to get everything done, and once you do it's only a matter of time until you have to start the list over again. It's why they say raising children is not for the faint of heart & it's the wisdom of God that we have them while we're still young enough to chase them!
And yet my children haven't yet tried to sell their kids to gypsies or give them away at the nearest mall! I haven't even heard the old familiar "I brought you into this world and I can take you out" because above all else they Love them. They get frustrated, tired, even Mad sometimes, but that never alters the love they have for them. Their love overrides their desires to lash out in anger or become cruel! They discipline without destroying, and teach lessons out of "accidents". They have incorporated the best parts of my parenting and eliminated the other parts. I even occasionally hear words and phrases that I used to say - now that's the full circle for sure! It is so gratifying to know that these kids that made me so crazy at times have become such wonderful parents! They don't do everything exactly as I did, or would, but they have found the way that works for them and it's amazing to witness!
And the rewards are So worth the hard times. The hugs, kisses, playtimes, and expressions of love make the frantic activity fade into unimportance. To see the grandkids respond with such affection and sweetness to their parents, and to watch their gentle interaction with their siblings is worth everything!
There are so many Biblical applications here! God is ever vigilant in His watchful care of us. We do such "childish" things and yet He never berates us or disowns us. His love never alters! We disappoint Him, misunderstand His directions, disobey His commands & make huge messes of our lives, and yet He just keeps picking us up, cleans up our disasters, & uses our mistakes to teach us valuable lessons. His love for us overrides all His decisions concerning us and, unlike all of us human parents, He never gets weary or frustrated. He knows we are just "children" and allows us our frailties! He disciplines us when necessary, but always for our good, and redirects us when we get off course. He watches our interactions with each other, letting us work out our little scuffles, and then reminds us again to forgive as we were forgiven. His reward, when He gets one, is the response of our love back to Him; the times we obey and listen; the seasons that we get along with one another and choose love over fighting back or holding a grudge; the little victories He gets to see as we grow up! He is the epitome of the perfect parent, of course, because He is the one who initiated parenting from the beginning. Just as each of my grandchildren require different parenting methods, God knows just how to treat each of us in order to best foster our maturity and growth!
Often it is said that if Grandparents would have known how much fun grandchildren would be they would have skipped the kids and had grandkids first, but I disagree. I am so grateful to be able to see how the love, sacrifice, and hard work of parenting has paid off in the willingness and ability of my children to love, sacrifice and work hard for my grandchildren. I wouldn't miss it for anything! It is truly one of the joys of life!!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Love for a Lifetime...
Dad loved Mom. He loved her enough to give her the freedom to rule our home...he loved her enough to teach her to drive...he loved her enough to go on cruises when he'd rather go fishing...he loved her enough to play games (which other than Solitaire he could have done without), ...and on and on. He just loved her. Because of his love for her, he was faithful to her, a good provider for her, & protective of her.
His love for her was the basis and foundation for his love for us kids. He encouraged me to do my best, but never demeaned me or made me feel inferior, even when I didn't quite get it right. In fact, Dad even took me on my first "date". I was 13, dressed in a fancy dress and wearing "high" heels. We went to a very upscale restaurant and he treated me like a princess. At the end of the night, he said, "Now Jannie, tonight was to show you how you deserve to be treated. If a guy doesn't treat you like this, he doesn't deserve you. Send him packing!" Wise advice from a loving dad!
Dad loved his parents and showed it by the respect and care he gave them, even when they couldn't respond. He loved our extended family and never begrudged them anything he could give them. He loved his friends - some of whom he knew for over 50 years. He loved...
Of all the ones he loved, he loved God the most. His love for God made all the other loves possible. It allowed him to forgive easily, to care deeply, and to serve faithfully. It gave him the courage to stand for what was right, even when the majority was against him. It was the foundation of all that he was & did.
I am blessed to have a family heritage of love - so many of my friends don't - and I never take it for granted. I found my love for a lifetime, Jesus, at an early age and He has made all my other loves that much richer! Have you found Him yet? Seek Him and you will find Him. It's His promise and it will give you your love for a lifetime too!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
A Legacy that Continues...
As I was looking back through pictures this week, I found our Lynch coat of arms. Upon researching its symbols, I discovered some very interesting things:
"Always constant and faithful" is the motto of our family.
The gold represents generosity, the blue represents loyalty.
The chevron, symbolic of a home's roof, stands for faithful service & protection. The helmet signifies a strong defense.
While all those characteristics are a perfect description of Dad, the ones I love the most are those associated with the lynx and the shamrock. The lynx indicates keen insights and spiritual discernment, and the shamrock is one of the earliest known symbols for the Trinity & Christianity! While Dad's loyalty, faithfulness, generosity, and protective qualities were invaluable, the fact that he evidenced Christ in his daily life and passed that love for God on to us is the Best! I saw Dad read his Bible- he didn't just talk about reading it. I witnessed him praying for the concerns of his heart. He didn't make major decisions until praying about them first, which was evidenced in our family's financial security and stability. He loved God & his church family, and served our church in many different capacities. He was a giver in more than a monetary sense, although he was generous that way as well.
The other thing I associate with him and our church life was his love for music. He loved the hymns and I can still hear his low bass voice whenever they are sung. He could frequently be found sitting at our piano playing hymns and other "favorites", and one of my earliest memories involves curling up beneath the piano listening to him. I loved hearing him play. He rarely used music and played from the heart. To this day I still have trouble singing a whole hymn without tearing up - they open my heart in the deepest way!
Dad was a very special man. I find it amazing that the Lynch crest, designed in the early 1100s, portrays the very best qualities of a man who lived so many years later. And although once married my surname changed, I am still a Lynch at heart. It is my fervent hope and prayer that I am helping to pass on those wonderful character traits to the next generations of our family, whether their names are Lynch or something else. In this way, Dad's legacy will continue to go forward!
Happy 95th Birthday, Dad! I love you...And thanks!
Friday, June 17, 2011
A clean slate...a fresh start...a life without regrets
I read a story online this morning about a girl's lamenting the fact that she didn't tell her dad she loved him enough. Father's Day was causing her to feel regret. It was a cautionary tale reminding all of us that we never know when someone will be gone, so be sure to leave nothing unsaid or undone between you and those you love.
I have been writing this week about my Dad and while my memories mostly bring up feelings of love, caring, peacefulness, joy, and comfort, they also bring the recognition of the hole that still exists in my heart from his passing. I know all the cliches about being happy he's where he is, knowing I'll see him again, and the fact that he's not in pain...and as true as they are there's still an empty place that will never be filled by anyone or anything else. Dad was dad - my safety net, counselor, friend; the one who understood me better than anyone else because I am so much like him! And while these mixed feelings and thoughts swirl around in my head, the one thing I honestly can say is that I do not harbor any regrets. There are no "shoulda, woulda, coulda's or I wish I..." clogging up my memories. Dad knew I loved him and I knew he loved me - unconditionally! That is not to say there weren't some little issues that cropped up from time to time. Every person, no matter how close you are to them, will offend you, misunderstand your intentions, or just plain hurt your feelings. That's just how life is! As hard as I tried to be his perfect daughter, there were times when I blew it. The thing was, years later when I tried to apologize for hurting him in some way, he had no clue as to what I was talking about. I was agonizing over something he didn't even remember. That's what forgiveness & forgetting is all about. That's what love is.
Forgiveness is acknowledging that a mistake, hurt, injury, or misunderstanding happened. It's not about ignoring those things or burying them. It doesn't require that the person who hurt me knows, cares, understands, or even remembers that they hurt me. It also doesn't demand that I tell them how, when, or how deep the injury was. It's not about them at all. It's about me - my feelings, my reactions, my willingness to surrender that hurt to the Lord. Depending on the size of the hurt, that could be a Big sacrifice - giving up my chance for retaliation, refusing to hold a grudge, not requiring that they feel my pain...It's about letting go of my "right" to confront what they did or didn't do and its affect on me! It's about letting God take care of it in His way and His time!
Then there's the forgetting part. Our brains can't magically rewind the past. For some, the hurts are isolated incidences, while for others there was long-term abuse. It doesn't matter. Nothing that happened can be fixed, redone, or deleted, apart from a miracle of God. It's there and you have to deal with it. Forgetting is not mental oblivion. There's no magic eraser for our past. What forgetting really means is that every time hurt rears its head, I refuse to give it place. I don't act on it, dwell on it, or relive it over & over; I remind myself that it's been given to God. It's no longer mine to deal with or "fix". It's not going to continue to sway my feeling, control my actions, or color my thoughts. I immediately surrender it again and refuse to let it have one more ounce of my energy or one more minute of my time. Sometimes that surrender has to happen multiple times a day - I'm not minimizing what some people have endured, and I'm certainly not advocating putting yourself in harm's way by renewing a toxic relationship. Some people are best loved from a distance. The bottom line is that unforgiveness hurts you. It robs you of life. It keeps you chained by bitterness to the person who hurt you and stops any future relationship that might be possible with the application of a little (or a lot) of grace. It leads to regret, sometimes not fully known until there's no hope of changing it. More than all of that, unforgiveness against others blocks your relationship with God. You can rationalize it all you want, but the Bible says if you don't forgive others, He can't forgive you! Since we are all in need of His forgiveness daily, It's not worth the price you have to pay to hang on to that broken past!
Dad wasn't one to hold a grudge. He dealt with things in his own way and let them go. Thankfully our Heavenly Father does the same. If God can wipe the slate clean for you, how can you justify not doing the same for others? Just do it. The freedom you feel will be worth your sacrifice - and living without regrets... Priceless!
I have been writing this week about my Dad and while my memories mostly bring up feelings of love, caring, peacefulness, joy, and comfort, they also bring the recognition of the hole that still exists in my heart from his passing. I know all the cliches about being happy he's where he is, knowing I'll see him again, and the fact that he's not in pain...and as true as they are there's still an empty place that will never be filled by anyone or anything else. Dad was dad - my safety net, counselor, friend; the one who understood me better than anyone else because I am so much like him! And while these mixed feelings and thoughts swirl around in my head, the one thing I honestly can say is that I do not harbor any regrets. There are no "shoulda, woulda, coulda's or I wish I..." clogging up my memories. Dad knew I loved him and I knew he loved me - unconditionally! That is not to say there weren't some little issues that cropped up from time to time. Every person, no matter how close you are to them, will offend you, misunderstand your intentions, or just plain hurt your feelings. That's just how life is! As hard as I tried to be his perfect daughter, there were times when I blew it. The thing was, years later when I tried to apologize for hurting him in some way, he had no clue as to what I was talking about. I was agonizing over something he didn't even remember. That's what forgiveness & forgetting is all about. That's what love is.
Forgiveness is acknowledging that a mistake, hurt, injury, or misunderstanding happened. It's not about ignoring those things or burying them. It doesn't require that the person who hurt me knows, cares, understands, or even remembers that they hurt me. It also doesn't demand that I tell them how, when, or how deep the injury was. It's not about them at all. It's about me - my feelings, my reactions, my willingness to surrender that hurt to the Lord. Depending on the size of the hurt, that could be a Big sacrifice - giving up my chance for retaliation, refusing to hold a grudge, not requiring that they feel my pain...It's about letting go of my "right" to confront what they did or didn't do and its affect on me! It's about letting God take care of it in His way and His time!
Then there's the forgetting part. Our brains can't magically rewind the past. For some, the hurts are isolated incidences, while for others there was long-term abuse. It doesn't matter. Nothing that happened can be fixed, redone, or deleted, apart from a miracle of God. It's there and you have to deal with it. Forgetting is not mental oblivion. There's no magic eraser for our past. What forgetting really means is that every time hurt rears its head, I refuse to give it place. I don't act on it, dwell on it, or relive it over & over; I remind myself that it's been given to God. It's no longer mine to deal with or "fix". It's not going to continue to sway my feeling, control my actions, or color my thoughts. I immediately surrender it again and refuse to let it have one more ounce of my energy or one more minute of my time. Sometimes that surrender has to happen multiple times a day - I'm not minimizing what some people have endured, and I'm certainly not advocating putting yourself in harm's way by renewing a toxic relationship. Some people are best loved from a distance. The bottom line is that unforgiveness hurts you. It robs you of life. It keeps you chained by bitterness to the person who hurt you and stops any future relationship that might be possible with the application of a little (or a lot) of grace. It leads to regret, sometimes not fully known until there's no hope of changing it. More than all of that, unforgiveness against others blocks your relationship with God. You can rationalize it all you want, but the Bible says if you don't forgive others, He can't forgive you! Since we are all in need of His forgiveness daily, It's not worth the price you have to pay to hang on to that broken past!
Dad wasn't one to hold a grudge. He dealt with things in his own way and let them go. Thankfully our Heavenly Father does the same. If God can wipe the slate clean for you, how can you justify not doing the same for others? Just do it. The freedom you feel will be worth your sacrifice - and living without regrets... Priceless!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Love in a Snapshot!
The other thing I love about this picture is how Dad stooped down to hold on to him, and how Kurt is holding Dad's arm. There's such great security in being held by someone so much bigger and stronger that you are.
If you've been reading my blog for long, you know where I'm going already! While God doesn't have a hard time hearing us, I'm amazed that He keeps listening. We tell Him "childish stories" that show both our lack of understanding and our doubting faith, and yet He lovingly listens to every word. He knows our thoughts and limited perspective, and yet He never turns away from our immature ramblings. He gently points us back to His Word and enjoys our progress as we grow in Him. Although He knows the beginning and the end of our story, He lets us work through our days so that we develop our faith, gain wisdom, and practice those things He gently teaches us through His Word and His Spirit. He loves us too much to ever ignore us, belittle us or make us feel in any way insignificant. We are the lights of His life!
And talk about security...God never lets us fall when we trust in Him & nothing can pluck us out of His hand. We have a Big, Strong, Powerful Father who wraps His loving arms of protection around us to give us comfort, peace, & a sense of security that can't be taken away by any circumstance, situation, or person!! It's His character to love and protect, to nurture and guard, to hold and keep.
Dad's favorite chapter was the one his parents prayed over him daily while he served in the military, Psalm 91. The first part of it says, "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust Him. For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." You can be confident that God delights in hearing you and you can always rest in the security of His presence! With love like that, what else do you need?
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