Last time I wrote about 3 life lessons that I was reminded of during the long season of illness that Dan's mom endured. They were 1- Don't ignore the smallest details; 2- Training a child is not something to be taken lightly; 3- Things that seem innocent can be deadly!
There are many other lessons that God brought to my attention through that period. I hope these next few will also be meaningful to you.
Lesson 4 - Little things mean a lot! Small gestures that take very little time to do really mean so much to a person in a hard place. A card, a few flowers, a handwritten note of encouragement, or even a phone call can turn put a spark of happiness into a dreary day. In this age of texting, social media, & emails the thought that someone cared enough to take a few minutes to do something personal & individualized is such a boost. Emails & messages are nice but hearing a comforting voice or receiving even the smallest token of friendship or love really sends a hug straight to the heart. I am determined, after our recent experience, to try to do so much better at this. It takes more effort, but it's worth everything to the receiver!!
Lesson 5 - Give grace in abundance for some day you may walk in their shoes. It's so easy to criticize. When someone is hurting, they really aren't themselves & neither are the ones who love them. It is emotionally draining to care for or even sit with someone who is seriously ill or in pain. All of us have our breaking points & we need to put ourselves in others' shoes before we take their outbursts or barbs personally. Grace, grace, grace...if you can't spare any, ask God to give you some of His for it is abundant. You will never really "get it" unless you go through it, so be careful about judging words or actions from the sidelines.
Lesson 6 - Remember, the Thumper rule still applies. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Spouting Christian-ese or worn out clichés are NOT better than nothing. Sometimes it's better to just sit with someone & listen, hold a hand, or give a hug than to try to deny the pain, minimize the situation, or be Pollyanna! Encouragement, as I said, is nice, but platitudes are not. Before you say it, ask yourself if you would want to hear it if you were the other person. (I remember a deaconess coming to the hospital room of someone who had just lost a baby & telling her that she should stop her "moping" because God knows what is best and her grief was a lack of faith in His plan! While God's plan IS always best, her timing was ill-advised & her "theology" didn't do anything to comfort or encourage!) We will all be judged by EVERY word that we speak, so we'd be better off to speak less & listen more!
Lesson 7 - Gratitude goes a long way! Hospice workers, nurses, caregivers, & others in that field are often criticized for their lack of compassion, & there may be some who have lost their sensitivity to the anguish of a patient or family in pain, but ours & most others who work in that area of service are amazing. They do their jobs efficiently, quietly, & respectfully - even the worst jobs you could imagine. They never raise a voice or react in anger, even when there is little or no cooperation. They relay information, without being overly dramatic about things, & are calming influences even in the worst of situations. Truly they have seen it all before, but they don't act condescending or make loved ones feel bad about their reactions. Ours acted as though we were their first concern & our loved ones their first patients. In fact, as we mirrored their kindness, our loved ones got even more attention. They were gentle & sensitive to all of us. After our season was finished, I showed my thanks for their efforts by sending a card and a large tray of brownies. It was greatly appreciated...& sadly one of the first positive acknowledgements they had ever received. (Of course there are always an abundance of complainers!) Before we write caring service off as part of the job, we would do well to consider how hard that job is and show a little appreciation - in whatever way we feel is appropriate!
If you find yourself in the shoes I just walked in, try to recall these few life lessons. They are not the only ones, but they are important ones. You may be the calming, loving influence in your situation that everyone around you can depend on & count on when the situation seems overwhelming. It isn't an easy time, but you will get through it with more strength & grace if you let God's light shine through you & you remember these simple principles.
God bless you!!
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