She was creative, joy-filled, & fun to be around. Our mutual love for worship and music created an instant bond. Before too long, our families were ministering together and spending a major part of each weekend together. We laughed and cried together, worked and played together. The absence of their blood relatives made our friendship even stronger, and when illness nearly devastated their lives we were able to step in and fill many of the financial and physical demands created by the subsequent changes. I thought it was a "forever" kind of friendship.
Then one day, out of the blue, a letter came. I assumed it must be a thank you card, since we talked on the phone several times a day. It was far from a thank you. It was 3 handwritten pages of lies, innuendos, false assumptions, & accusations. It was the ultimate betrayal. I was crushed and reacted in my usual way - I started looking at myself for faults, inadequacies, & failures. It had to be my fault somehow - no one would hurt someone this way without reason, especially since she knew me so well! I tried to talk to her but she refused my calls. I went over to her house and she wouldn't come to the door. If I did happen to see her someplace, she literally almost Ran the other direction.She just vanished from my life.
Devastation of soul describes my ultimate reaction; I was wounded beyond words. For a season, I closed my heart. The hurt caused me to recoil rather than reach out and I refused to allow any new relationships. I was miserable, lonely, & angry. How did this happen? Why did it happen? What did I do wrong? The questions repeated themselves over and over, but answers evaded me. I just couldn't figure it out.
But then one day, the pieces began to reassemble. Her marriage dissolved, their ministry disintegrated. Financial failure and continued illness caused family fracturing. They had no friends, no support system. Embarrassed and ashamed, she broke all ties with everyone she had known (hence the letter) and escaped to another state to start anew with strangers. She reinvented herself and created a new life.
It didn't make all the pain go away, but it did give a sense of closure. Ultimately, I was able to come to grips with my own reactions, and my anger turned to understanding. There were still some lingering questions: Why didn't she feel she could tell me? She knew our relationship could go beyond "happy"! What could I have done differently to be there for her when she really needed me?
The whole experience cemented several lessons deep in my heart. God calls us to be there for each other as much as we can, but others' choices can intervene - I can only do what others allow me to do. Small steps can lead to restoration, where major confrontations close the door. It's not just about me! Others have backgrounds, experiences, & reactions that may cause them to pull away, run away, hide, or cover up pain with denial, anger, or blame. Pride is also a major factor - if you haven't experienced unconditional love or at least a hefty dose of grace, you don't expect it & can't believe it, until you open your heart and God pours it in through His Spirit or His followers.
It took a while, but I reopened my life and heart. Besides a deeper relationship with God, who is the ultimate friend, I have several "soulmate" friends. They have added so much to my life and ministry. They aren't perfect, and thankfully don't expect me to be either! They are God's gift to me, for whatever season He allows, and I am grateful! As for my lost friend, she continues to wander the country looking for love, satisfaction, "success", and a place to call home...I pray one day she will find what she's so desperately searching for! I know I have!
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