Either due to depression or in the face of loss, I have been asked several times this week "Why am I still here?" Although it may come across as just one more Christian platitude, the simple answer is that God still wants & needs you here. I know that just saying that sounds so incredibly simplistic and trite but at times I don't think we know the value of who we are in God's eyes and the amazing job He has given us to do. So I hear you say, "I'm not doing anything for God and I don't have the energy, will, desire, ...to do anything." Believe me, there have been times in my life that I felt the same way - that life was just too hard, that no one really needed me anymore, that if I just got in my car and drove it would be better...disappearing sounded like an almost feasible option! Of course there would be people that would miss me, but they'd get over it soon enough and go on. In reality, it was a pit of the enemy's making and there were times I was ready to jump!
But then God turned the mirror into a lens and said, "Hey, this isn't just about YOU! Take off those dark glasses and start looking through My Eyes!" (And let me look you straight in the eyes for just a minute and say, Maybe you are not looking at your life with God-vision either!) As I began to take my focus off myself and try to see what He meant, I saw that there are those around me that never call for my attention but watch my life just the same to see if God is real. There are those who examine my words and actions in order to find God in difficult times. There are others who seem so "together" that still need my seemingly inadequate words of comfort, hope, encouragement, or support. There are family members who count on my advice, my counsel and my consistent walk with God to be both a source of blessing and strength. There are those acquaintances that God has brought into my life as "divine appointments" that count on me to give them a "word in season" and those I've yet to meet that will be showing up sooner or later. And maybe most importantly are those whose lives are inseparably intertwined with mine that wouldn't miss me just for a season but would have a giant hole in their hearts, as I do for those I've lost. And even with the holes, God still doesn't expect me to live without purpose or give in to depression.
It's hard sometimes to see beyond our own viewpoint...especially when our finite minds have repeated the question over and over & the answers, even when given, still don't seem to satisfy our hearts. That's when we have to put our faith back in the One with the plan, the One who holds each of our days in His hands, the One who calls us to see again that each day is a gift of opportunity to bless, to love, to be loved, & to share His love. It's time to go forward into tomorrow, even if I have to offer each day as a Sacrifice to Him, and when I have done all He's asked me to do and lived to the full measure of my days, I am confident that He will come and get me. Then I will be able to see each day from His vantage point, thankful that I accomplished His will along the way...and hopefully He will say "Well done, good and faithful servant...you have done all that I asked. Now you can enter your rest." Until that time, however, it's really not about me,... and in case you're wondering, it's not about you either!!! I love you!
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