I spent a few days this week with a family who had just recently lost their mom. In the midst of their sorrow and grieving, they had the arduous task of cleaning out the house where their parents had lived for more than 20 years. During the process, there was lots of wrangling, bargaining and arguing over the things they discovered. Although things with monetary value had already been dispersed, items with sentimental value were fought over as everyone tried to hang on to mementos of their past. Things which had been collecting dust for many years now became precious treasures. Greed and jealousy took over as civility gave way to outright hostility. The parents, longtime Christians who loved their family deeply, would have been devastated by the lack of love, respect & grace shown throughout the week.
As is usually the case, the grasping had less to do with sentimentality and more to do with assertion of rights and payback. Issues that had been festering for years were now exaggerated on both sides, and hurts that had once been harbored but not said came spewing forth as accusations and ultimatums. Sisters who grew up in a family of love and caring became increasingly more volatile and combative. Respect for their mother's feelings had kept things in check but not that she was gone so were all verbal restraints and the freedom from those inhibitions no longer kept the abusive behavior in check. By week's end, civility had turned to screaming & both sides were threatening police intervention & legal action. My heart was ripped apart as I realized that without divine intervention, the sisters will likely never reconcile -the walls of resentment and bitterness are high and thick and the motivation to breach them is virtually absent! In their own words, they are "done" with each other.
Two valuable lessons were reinforced in my heart by witnessing the demolition of this family. The first was the cancer of spirit that occurs when offenses are not addressed and resolved. Years of hurt, presumed betrayals, and misunderstandings which had been buried deep in their hearts came pouring out, just like a shaken soda can that finally explodes. No matter how long we hold them or how deep we shove negative emotions down, eventually they will come blasting forth, much like a beach ball at the bottom of a swimming pool. Once released, any control is gone, and its damaging effects are multiplied by the depth at which it was buried . The "beach ball principle" is something we can't ignore, and unresolved offenses will eventually lead to destruction.
The second lesson is the Biblical admonition to always put relationships ahead of "stuff". We spend lots of time, energy, and financial resources gathering & maintaining possessions throughout our lives and in the end they are left behind for others to deal with. Jesus referred to the man as a fool who accumulated many riches and regarded them as important, only to die and leave them behind. He told the rich young man to go sell his "stuff" in order to re-prioritize his life. The book of Proverbs tells us repeatedly that it is better to have little and be at peace than to have much with turmoil. Matthew 6:33 reminds us to seek God and His kingdom first, making His will our first and foremost priority, and He will make sure we have what we need. As we trust Him and commit our ways to Him, He gives us the desires of our hearts - no manipulation or hoarding necessary! While material things are nice to have, and God loves to provide us with awesome things to enjoy in this life, we should always remember that they are just temporal. When we put things ahead of relationships, it's time to re-evaluate our heart attitudes and refocus our lives on eternal things. After all, we will take nothing into eternity except the effects of our obedience & choices. Everything else will pass away in insignificance.
I will continue to pray for this family's reconciliation and do what I can to facilitate it. I pray, too, that I will always remember the lessons taught through this experience, not only for my own life situations, but in order to help others as they walk through their own dark seasons. That's the promise & hope of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 & Romans 8:28!! Blessings...
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