My Bible reading for this morning was in Job 16 and I found a great definition of true friendship. Job's "friends" have all gathered to "comfort" him in his time of distress and have been giving him "counsel", saying that a man's trouble is not without cause & that God judges man according to his deeds...in other words, they were blaming him for the trouble that came upon him,even though he kept proclaiming his innocence. Job listens as long as he can stand and then replies, "I could also speak as you do if you were in my place. I could make great speeches against you and shake my head at you but instead, I would encourage you and speak words that would bring you relief!"
That is a great definition of true friendship. As long as we live in this world, we will have trouble - some of it is the result of poor choices or faulty decision-making but some of it just comes as a part of living. Our true friends speak the truth in love when they see us wandering from the right path, and counsel us when we will listen. But once we have fallen into the pit, they are there to encourage, comfort, & help if they can, rather than cast blame or heap up guilt. They know we are all experts at self-condemnation and don't need their help in that regard. Job's problems were between him and God; his friends could not have prevented them or stopped their impact. He was suffering in spiritual, emotional, and physical ways. He didn't need their criticism, judgements, or speculations. He didn't need a "Pollyanna" friend denying or rationalizing his pain. He also didn't need their cliches about God. What he did need was words of encouragement, support, & a mediation of his depression through reminders of God's love and truth. He needed relief.
Proverbs 12:18 says, "Careless words stab like a sword, but wise words bring healing!" Proverbs 12:25 adds, "Worry is a heavy load but a kind words cheer you up!" Ephesians 4:29 is yet another verse in support of encouragement. It says, "Don't let any unwholesome (discouraging or demeaning or worthless) words come out of your mouth, but only words that are good & beneficial for edification that will bring blessing and show God's grace and favor to those who hear you!"
In the Disney film "Bambi," Thumper is criticizing the new little foal and his mom says, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Wise words that we can interpret in light of the above Scriptures; if we can't find words that will build and bless we would be better off to be quiet!
If that isn't enough of an admonition, remember the Golden Rule. What words do you want your friends to speak to you the next time your strength is failing, your problems have multiplied, or your heart is breaking? Those are the words you should speak, and only those! Those are the words of a true friend!
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