Back in 1971, the Bee Gees recorded a song called “How can you mend a broken heart?” that became a #1 hit for many weeks. While their solution to the question goes unanswered, it is a sad fact that mentoring, or just being a giving person, can often bring people into your life that will eventually break your heart. It could be someone who leaves your “circle” and takes half of your friends with them, or it might be a close friend that gets offended and turns against you. It may be someone that you have spent time and tears on that returns to their former lifestyle. It may be an innocent misunderstanding that goes on to fester into full-blown resentment, or words carelessly spoken that are then harbored by the listener. Often, the break comes as a result of mistrust and hurts from past experiences - yours, theirs, or both!
Whatever the cause, there are a number of inevitable feelings that occur. There are feelings of betrayal - “How could he/she do this to me?” There may be feelings of guilt - “What did I do, or what did I not do, to cause this?” Sometimes, there is just plain anger - “After all I’ve done, where do they get off treating me like this?” And not many things hurt as much as someone misjudging your motives and intentions. While we may feel any or all of these conflicting emotions, there is often an overriding feeling of sadness that accompanies loss of relationship and hovers like a dark cloud overhead.
While these experiences are costly in many ways, there are some things that we can do to minimize the depth of hurt and length of time that we choose to be affected. First, it is important to remember that God is still on the throne, still reigning. He knew beforehand that this was going to happen and has taken the necessary preparations to somehow use this experience for good - either yours or someone else‘s (Ro. 8:28; 2 Co. 1:3-4). We don’t see the big picture, as God does, and He has a plan that even uses the worst of situations to bring glory both to Him and to His people!
Look for ways to reconcile. If repentance from you is needed, go to them. If misunderstanding has taken place, address it - in person if possible, or an any way they will allow you to. If it’s a pride issue, lay it down. God will bring truth in His time. Whatever it takes that you have control over, do it. (Ro. 12:18; Matt. 5:23-24)
Look past the person that is hurting you and pray for the need or lack that is in his or her life that is causing them to react as they are. Prayer is a powerful remedy for getting rid of self-righteousness and a critical spirit. We are all broken people that have need of God’s constant “fixing”. After all, God often uses experiences we have to show us things in our own lives that need addressing! (Remember the plank, splinter illustration? Ouch)
Don’t be swallowed by self-pity. Even Jesus was betrayed and forsaken by His closest friends at the time He needed them most. Instead of resenting them, His love and forgiveness caused them to repent, return to Him, and go forth with even more conviction and tenacity. Pouring love on the “offender” is not only Biblical, but a sign of our own relationship with Christ. (Matt. 5:44-48) And remember, there are always other people involved, either participating or watching! Be a light! (Matt. 5:16)
Last of all, try to find the lesson that may be taught through this experience. Are you too gullible, too trusting? Did you share too deeply and too soon, making yourself extremely vulnerable to someone who had not yet been found trustworthy? Did you expect more than the relationship could bear? Is God showing you something that will help someone else later? There are lots of reasons that hearts break. Some are preventable, some are not. In the end, however, it is not the broken heart that matters - it is where and how we mend it…and God’s way always brings the best result! Trust Him! Turn your broken heart over to Him, and allow Him to do whatever it takes to fix it! He is near for just such times as these...Psalm 34:18!
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